make it better

So I had a bit of a rough day yesterday.
To say the least this post is depressing. One of those very raw, very real...sit down and pour your heart out kind of posts.  

Thank you for so many sweet heart felt emails with similar experiences and words of encouragement. I love you all for your overwhelming kindness. My heart was sincerely touched by your response. 

Well after the kids went to bed I sat and thought of ways I could be a better mommy just a little at a time. I thought of  things I am great at and things I need some work at. For me there are a few key points that came to mind that I hope will prevent days like yesterday from reoccurring. This is just a little list of reminders to do through out the day to make it better.

Always say my morning prayer. 
By waking and realizing that today is a new day and a gift from God, by thanking him for every day I have on this earth and the out pour of blessings I recive is a great reminder and humbling way to start the day.

Sit down and eat breakfast as a family.
Sitting down and spending even ten minutes together as a family can really change the mood for the day. Talking about our day and things we may do or need to get done.

Get ready for the day.
Being dressed with makeup on and my hair not in a pony always puts me in an instant better mood.

Get some physical activity 
"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands, they just don't!"

Disconnect from the computer.
I don't want my kids to see me always with my face in the computer, ipod or TV. I try really hard to do these activities at naptime or bedtime hours. I notice when working on the computer for longer than a half hour time period Ty becomes restless and demanding for my attention. He just want to play with me and be loved.
  
Get down and play.
Some of my fondest memories with Ty is when I am sitting on the floor and playing cars or building blocks with him. He loves to see me involved and interested in things he finds fun.

Don't be afraid to be silly. 
Very easy one for me. I am constantly laughing and teasing with Ty. It helps that he has such a goofy and teasing personality. His whole face lights up when I laugh at his goofy faces or silly things he says. 

Mess up the bed.
I catch myself getting so frustrated when I make the bed and Ty almost immediately hops up on top and starts jumping. Every once and a while I like to hop up and jump right along with him. Or pull the sheets over us and hide.

Go outside/ Get fresh air.
I think a large part of my melt down yesterday is a serious case of the winter blues/cabin fever. It has been so cold outside that I don't dare take the kids, especially Ember outside. There is always the option of a drive around the block or a tip for an ice cream cone. I can't wait for it to be warm enough to take the double stroller out and go for my DAILY walk with the kids. 

Spend one on one time.
Every kid needs it. Even my little 5 month old. She needs her share of undivided attention. Kids need to be reminded that they are special and important enough to drop everything for a few minutes for one on one time. 

Say I love you
I tell both kids all day everyday how much I love them. I don't want them to ever question it. I think that showing it and saying it are equally important.

Leave the dishes.
Every once in awhile let them sit for an hour or two longer. Don't miss out on special moment worrying about dishes or laundry. They will wait for you I promise! 

Have a bedtime routine. 
Read a book, sing a song, take a bath, brush your teeth, say a prayer. If its one or all, but try to be consistent with bed time. 

Rock your baby.
The times when I feel the most peace, the closest to my kids is while rocking them to sleep. With Ty I hold him and feel his body become more limp the deeper into sleep he becomes. I love singing to him and stroking his hair. With Ember I cradle her as she is wrapped up so tight. Watching her eyes as they get heavier and heavier tell she is finally asleep in my arms. This is the perfect way to end my day with my babies. The feeling of nurturing and mothering is so strong yet peaceful. 

Read my scriptures.
I truly believe all things can be answered through the scriptures. Even if the answers are not there right away I have felt the peace that it brings in my life and the power it has to bless you in every way of life.
 

 

failure

 Ty is screaming. Demanding my complete attention. He has a poopy bum and has spilled cereal all over the floor. Ember is fussing. Hungry, tired, mad, wants to be picked up...I am not sure. I look around and the house is a mess. Dishes in the sink and gold fish crumbs pressed into the carpet. Spit up in my hair and chocolate finger prints on my white shirt.

In a moment of weakness. My knees give out and I collapse to the floor. I sit there and start to bawl. I pressed my hands over my face and wonder why God ever trusted me with his sweet spirits. I felt as if I was a complete failure as a mother.

Tears continue to run down my face for a few minutes. Thoughts of failure and disappointment overwhelm me. It was not suppose to be this hard. 

I love my kids. More than I could have ever imagined. So why was I failing? Why couldn't I make it through this day, this moment.

I continue sitting there. My thoughts consuming me and the world becoming fuzzy. Now with my thoughts so powerful the sound of screaming children becomes faint background noise. 

I wish there was an answer. 
I wish somehow my children could be happy every moment. I feel that is what they deserve.  
but that is not real life.


All I could do is pray. 
I prayed not to have life be perfect. 

but just for strength.
Strength to get up from the floor and be able to take care of 
those children I love so dearly. 
I prayed that they could know my love for them and that I was trying the best I could.

Motherhood is not easy. 

Just because you love your kids does not mean that taking care of them will be pure sunshine. 

I truly feel that God does not give us more than we can handle. 
Being a mommy must have hard times to make the good times great. 

I wish I could report that the rest of the day has been easy.
It has not.

I want to cry
but I will just continue to try my best. 

That is all we can do. 

Tomorrow will be a new day and I will try my best again. 

Tell me Tuesday-a link up!

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steps backward

This linky has been rather sketchy lately. Im sorry for that. I can't seem to sit in front of the computer and write a motivational post. I feel like I am lying to your faces...errr computer screens. So to be honest....I'm not doing so great. I feel like I can't get motivated or find the desire to stop shoving food into my mouth. Is the excuse that I am nursing going to hold up much longer. Ember is 5 months old and I still have plenty of weight to lose. Which is fine...I don't expect it to fall off, especially when I can't stop snacking all day long. I can't be mad really..Not at anything but myself. But I am mad. I am mad at myself. Almost every day I sit and ponder...telling myself things like ...today is the day..your going to eat healthy all day long....your going to wake up at 5:30 and go to the gym...you will work hard because you want it...Then it happens I catch myself having my third snack of the day and its noon...ugh. Granted they are healthy snacks...one positive thing is I never buy junk food. If I want something unhealthy or am having a sweet tooth fix, I have to munch on chocolate chips that are intended for baking. But still I can only eat so many cups of yogurt or apples or pb&js or almonds or string cheese before my love handles start saying hello. Healthy foods in unhealthy portions is not healthy eating. I feel so bloated its sickening. I honestly can step on the scale and not cry. It's not really the number that's bothering me. Its my self image, the way I feel in my pants, the feeling I get after eating too much...Thats what is really getting me down. I end the day mad at myself. I feel like when I am unhappy about myself and the way I look and feel I start to let little things bother me that shouldn't, I am not as good of a wife and mother. I hate catching myself being snappy and knowing deep down inside that its me..all me. I am the reason I am acting the way I am. That I have the power to change it and yet I feel so helpless to knowing how to fix it.

 Is it possible to want something so bad and be the first person to sabotage it?
 I am my own worse enemy.

I guess I can say for the most part I am happy. I am not as bad off as I could be. and where I am is purely off no diet and occasional exercise. So I know if I put in the work and time that my goals could be reached.  Why then don't I try a little harder to do a little better??? 

 

raising friends

I was very worried when about to have Ember. People told me things like....

-Ty is going to get so jealous
-He will throw temper fits
-He will most likely not like the baby right away
-He will feel left out
yada yada yada

Seriously thinking my son would hate our new baby girl. . .Or that I would not be able to give him the proper attention he would need. So I started doing some research on how to prevent these things. Well Ember is now 5 months old and they are already GREAT friends. Ty adores Ember. So much in fact he tells me he loves her the most.

A few ways I encourage friendship.

Lets start from the beginning. . 
While pregnant I would talk about the baby with Ty. (note: Ty was very young still while I was pregnant with Ember, for older siblings you could get more in depth about the pregnancy). But I would say things like 

"Ty are you so excited to have a little sister"
"She is going to be your little sister"
"Ty, we love the baby so much huh!" 
"Are you so excited to hold the baby?!"
"Ty did you know there is a baby in mommy's belly"

I would also let Ty feel my stomach when Ember would kick, then say things like
"Ty, thats the baby saying hi to you"
"She loves you so much and can't wait to see you"

At night while reading books I would tell Ty that we are also reading to the baby. He would sit on my side (mostly because my belly was so big that he couldn't fit on my lap) and he would hold the book and point to things as if trying to show the baby.

It worked very well for us. Ty constantly said "baby baby baby" always pointing to my stomach and jumping up and down. 

We also tried to expose him to other babies. When we saw a couple with a baby at church or while we were out we would point to it and say 
"Ty thats a baby, were going to have a baby soon"

 I also thought it was great to have Ty come to the hospital to see the baby. (obviously once the craziness ended). Letting him see her at the hospital and not just surprising him at home was somehow more special.

The moment Ty saw his baby sister. You could see it in his eyes. He loved and adored her. He knew that she was apart of our family and was very special. He knew this little girl was our baby, the one we had been so excited to welcome into the world.

 They were teasing each other so early.  

We didn't want Ty to be afraid of the new baby. We didn't want him to think she was weird or that he couldn't be around her. So one of the first things we did was have him hold her. Telling him that she is our baby and that she loves him. 

 

He soon wanted to hold her and kiss her all the time. With toddlers they don't really know how to be soft...at least Ty didn't. So that was the next thing we worked on. When he would hold her we would stroke her cheek and say "soft baby". We also didn't want him kissing all over on her face...germs and newborns are not good....So we made it fun for him to kiss her head and stomach.

 He got very protective very fast. I started to notice him not wanting other people to hold her. Mom and Dad were obviously ok. But when aunts and uncles and cousins would come around he would get very cautious of them and how close they got to her.  Even standing guard as she slept. 

I like to start each morning with Ty getting some one on one time. I think this puts him in a good mood for the rest of the day. It can be as easy as laying the baby down and eating breakfast together..or reading his favorite book. 

I love to let Ty help take care of Ember. 

Changing diapers.

I always ask Ty to go get babies diaper....He runs to get it so excited. He usually likes to un-button her onesie. Then throw the diaper away once we are done. The task seems to take twice as long, but he is so excited to help and feels so accomplished. 

Bathing.

This one can be tricky since its dangerous. However I think it safe to have the sibling wipe the baby down a little. Or squeeze the shampoo out -as long as they know what a little means- 

Once Ember is out of the bath he helps me dry her off. Then I usually have two outfits out and ask him what one baby should wear. 

Feeding.

So this one im not going to lie is still hard for us. I am nursing and can't exactly let Ty "hold the bottle"...but if you do bottle feed I think its a great idea to let the sibling help hold the bottle. I usually tell Ty to tickle her feet..or try to have a special toy or activity out for him to do while Ember is nursing.  

Give your child ideas. 
One day I was trying to get ready and Ember was screaming...Ty was being wild and I was running late. 
I told him to go get a book and read it to her..
Now when Ember starts to cry he will often pick up a book and babble to her and point to the pictures so she can see...She LOVES it.

Encourage time together. 
Ember watches baby Einstein, but Ty wants to watch Cars....
I always tell him that he should watch the show with baby and make sure she likes it.
Then I let him watch Cars and tell him "ok now it's your turn, and thank you so much for letting baby watch her show, she loved it so much!"

I am definitely not the worlds best mom. Most of the time I have no idea what im doing. But I love my children with my whole heart and try so hard to let them know it. I try and help them love each other and take care of each other. 

The best thing I think you can do for your children is pray for them. Every single morning and night I pray that Ty and Ember can be best friends. That they will take care of each other. I pray that Ty will share and be soft. I pray that Ember will learn from Ty and look up to him. I ask my Heavenly Father to help me be sensitive to their needs. To help me know how to raise them to be strong followers of Christ. I thank him for trusting me with two beautiful spirits. Trusting me to guide and direct them. Thanking him for the blessing of motherhood and the love that it has taught me. For the Joy it brings in my life. I thank him for every smile they give me and every time I get to hold their sweet hands.