Monday, February 4, 2013

steps backward

This linky has been rather sketchy lately. Im sorry for that. I can't seem to sit in front of the computer and write a motivational post. I feel like I am lying to your faces...errr computer screens. So to be honest....I'm not doing so great. I feel like I can't get motivated or find the desire to stop shoving food into my mouth. Is the excuse that I am nursing going to hold up much longer. Ember is 5 months old and I still have plenty of weight to lose. Which is fine...I don't expect it to fall off, especially when I can't stop snacking all day long. I can't be mad really..Not at anything but myself. But I am mad. I am mad at myself. Almost every day I sit and ponder...telling myself things like is the day..your going to eat healthy all day long....your going to wake up at 5:30 and go to the will work hard because you want it...Then it happens I catch myself having my third snack of the day and its noon...ugh. Granted they are healthy positive thing is I never buy junk food. If I want something unhealthy or am having a sweet tooth fix, I have to munch on chocolate chips that are intended for baking. But still I can only eat so many cups of yogurt or apples or pb&js or almonds or string cheese before my love handles start saying hello. Healthy foods in unhealthy portions is not healthy eating. I feel so bloated its sickening. I honestly can step on the scale and not cry. It's not really the number that's bothering me. Its my self image, the way I feel in my pants, the feeling I get after eating too much...Thats what is really getting me down. I end the day mad at myself. I feel like when I am unhappy about myself and the way I look and feel I start to let little things bother me that shouldn't, I am not as good of a wife and mother. I hate catching myself being snappy and knowing deep down inside that its me..all me. I am the reason I am acting the way I am. That I have the power to change it and yet I feel so helpless to knowing how to fix it.

 Is it possible to want something so bad and be the first person to sabotage it?
 I am my own worse enemy.

I guess I can say for the most part I am happy. I am not as bad off as I could be. and where I am is purely off no diet and occasional exercise. So I know if I put in the work and time that my goals could be reached.  Why then don't I try a little harder to do a little better??? 



  1. I appreciate your honesty. I can relate to a lot of what you shared...and I too have a five month old nursing baby! I started WW online three months ago. I highly recommend! It's all about portion control, which is SO hard! The great thing about WW is that you get extra points while nursing. This is comforting to me because while I do want to lose weight, I don't want to compromise my milk supply. I have lost 25 lbs. The hard part for me is maintaining....making the choice daily to eat properly. Some days are harder then others. What has helped me has been to think about how I'm going to feel afterward. When I do that it's much easier to say no as I hate feeling bloated. Having said that, I do splurge on Friday after weigh in :) I am learning that you need to have the occasional splurge so you don't just jump ship all together. Anyway, thanks for sharing. You are not alone. I do believe all of us women struggle one way or another EVEN when we hit our ideal weight. I've been 115 lbs before and thought I still needed to lose weight! I look forward to hearing your updates. Blessings~~Angela

  2. Love your honesty!
    You look awesome Lady!
    My problem is I always say tomorrow. Tomorrow I will work out, Tomorrow I will eat a salad for lunch. It's hard!!
    Hope you get to your goal soon! We are all in this together!:)

  3. I just want to give a big AMEN to how you feel!! I seriously just want to copy and paste this into my blog!!:) Except your before is my dream aFter you look awesome!!!

  4. Thank you for sharing your heart, and the ups and downs of your fitness journey. I have lacked motivation too. Somedays I want to be fit and make progress, and somedays I want it but feel it is out my reach and I am going nowhere.

    Thanks for linking up with our February Walk and Talk Wednesday. It is a blog hop and you are welcome to place the code on your blog for others to read too. You can find the link up and the blog hop code at

    I hope you will share more of your journey with us. It is inspiring even if you don't feel like it is. Mom's want to read these stories and identify and relate. It empowers them.



thanks for putting a smile on my face today with your comment:)