Friday, February 15, 2013

families can be together forever

I have always thought of myself as one who lives on the dangerous side. In high school im sure you could use the word reckless. I can't say the same as of now.

My fear as a mother is overwhelming. The moment I step into a vehicle, walk in the dark, am approached by a stranger. . I am constantly plagued by the fear of not being able to see my babies grow.

 Something happening to me.

Leaving them to wonder who their mother was. 

I try and make it a joke.
For some reason that is the only way I can cope with the thought.
The thought of someone else raising my babies.

When I say I make it a joke, I mean that I tell Jayson
to re-marry someone who is not very cute.
(not like that even matters)

He always tells me he would never re-marry.
He would raise our babies alone.

I can't stand the thought of that either.
Why would someone worry about something like this?
Am I completely weird?

The fact is I love my babies so much it hurts. 
and I feel my husband truly is my soul mate. 

I want to be there for everything.
Live life as long as I possibly can.

I want to see my babies childrens children have kids.
and I want to see those kids graduate. 

I want to love Jayson tell were all wrinkly.
 The thought of us growing old together warms my soul.

But then the intense fear comes in.
I feel like I have to think about it.
 I have to talk about it.

Would someone love my family as much as I do.
When they rocked my babies would they look into their sweet innocent eyes and tear up at the site of their perfection.

Be slow to anger and quick to forgive with my soul mate.

A part of me feels paranoid.
but the truth is that life is so fragile.

I have no idea when my days will come to an end.

I just have to let my faith overcome my fear.

I have faith that if I live righteously
that no matter how long or short my time here on earth is
that my family is sealed to me for time and all eternity.

I know families can be together forever.
Its just letting my faith overcome the fear. 

 Families can be together forever
Through Heavenly Father’s plan.
I always want to be with my own family,
And the Lord has shown me how I can. 


  1. You are not weird... Unless I am too. I seriously have these exact same thoughts. I'm terrified on missing anything in my kids or husbands life. Good thing families are forever though! Thanks for this post!

  2. I have these same fears and feelings as well. I think this is a natural thing that happens to us when we become mothers. Our instinct is to protect and nurture our little ones, which also means keeping ourselves safe so that we can provide them that protection. I find myself leery of doing some things that I wouldn't have even thought twice about before becoming a mother. Every situation can become seen as possibly harmful, we just have to use our judgement to know what's worth worrying about and what's not. :)

  3. No one can live righteously enough to enter heaven....the only way to enter heaven is by believing in the Lord Jesus Christ. Believing that He died for our sins. The only way we can be "right" in God's eyes is for Him to look at us and see the blood of His Son. Jesus Christ is the only way to the Father. As much as we love our children, He loves them even more. I hope to see my family in heaven. However, that will only happen if they too believe in the One True God, Jesus Christ. Blessings~~Angela

  4. I understand this fear. I would do anything to be able to watch my children grow up. My dad passed away when I was 18 and no a day goes by that I do not think of him. When I think about all the grief that I had as a young girl of 18, I do not wish my daughter that same pain. I not only want to spare her the grief of losing me but to miss out on all the milestones is a huge fear for me too. Hang in there! You aren't alone.

  5. Ashley! I am so glad to have FINALLY found not only a cute blog but an LDS person behind it! yay! I love your blog and I look forward to reading more!


  6. You are not strange in these feelings AT ALL. Until recently I thought I was alone in feeling the exact same way, but after having lost a friend who left behind three young children, I've seen that this kind of fear is a natural part of parenting. I get worried about EVERYTHING since I became a mother, the idea of something happening to any of us paralyses me with fear. But I think we just have to live each day and embrace every opportunity and believe that it's all part of a bigger plan. X

  7. aw I love the family pic, the background is so pretty. and I would would share those fears too. I share similar fears right now without kids.

  8. You are not weird or alone in these feelings. I am constantly plagued by all of those same fears. So much so that sometimes I hold myself back from doing things because I somehow fear I will get hurt and not see my kids again. I have a very hard time traveling long distances because the thought of a plane crash or car crash is always in the back of my mind. I know it's not healthy to live that way but fear holds me back quite a bit and it is something I have to work on.


thanks for putting a smile on my face today with your comment:)