Him & Her: Feb 5, 2013

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

failure

Ty is screaming. Demanding my complete attention. He has a poopy bum and has spilled cereal all over the floor. Ember is fussing. Hungry, tired, mad, wants to be picked up...I am not sure. I look around and the house is a mess. Dishes in the sink and gold fish crumbs pressed into the carpet. Spit up in my hair and chocolate finger prints on my white shirt.

In a moment of weakness. My knees give out and I collapse to the floor. I sit there and start to bawl. I pressed my hands over my face and wonder why God ever trusted me with his sweet spirits. I felt as if I was a complete failure as a mother.

Tears continue to run down my face for a few minutes. Thoughts of failure and disappointment overwhelm me. It was not suppose to be this hard.

I love my kids. More than I could have ever imagined. So why was I failing? Why couldn't I make it through this day, this moment.

I continue sitting there. My thoughts consuming me and the world becoming fuzzy. Now with my thoughts so powerful the sound of screaming children becomes faint background noise.

I wish there was an answer.
I wish somehow my children could be happy every moment. I feel that is what they deserve.
but that is not real life.

All I could do is pray.
I prayed not to have life be perfect.

but just for strength.
Strength to get up from the floor and be able to take care of
those children I love so dearly.
I prayed that they could know my love for them and that I was trying the best I could.

Motherhood is not easy.

Just because you love your kids does not mean that taking care of them will be pure sunshine.

I truly feel that God does not give us more than we can handle.
Being a mommy must have hard times to make the good times great.

I wish I could report that the rest of the day has been easy.
It has not.

I want to cry
but I will just continue to try my best.

That is all we can do.

Tomorrow will be a new day and I will try my best again.